The thing that does happen, though, as time passes, is that you begin to realize that life continues. . I had one friend ask me what was making me so emotionally hardened??? The 1 outdoor Top on the market! That is when I knew I was looking at it all wrong. To date back a little…. I know she is with my dad, family and all her friends since she was the last one to pass. Although she lived 83 years, she always seemed much younger to me. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed.
I find myself sobing here and there. Startfilling in the blank spaces on the walls! Nothing could have been further from the truth. My mom was also under Hospice at my home and I was her primary caregiver. They say time heals all wounds, but it does not. I know my father is in Heaven and that he is no longer suffering.
But, there is no substitute to their presence. I felt them, smelled them and talked to them — and now they are gone all over again. All I can do is hang in there, have faith and keep one foot moving in front of the other. I stopped going to the cemetery. So, both our fathers were there. I played her memorial video as I have it recorded on my phone. At first I was in denial and kept expecting him to ring my door bell and be there in his baseball cap, plaid shirt, khaki pants and tennis shoes.
I took care of her for 20+ years after my father died. I am still trying to keep breathing, to cling to whatever shred of joy there is left, to calm myself at times I feel not worth the oxygen. It was so real, I saw details and colors and could feel the breeze- I awakened feeling so content and happy. Cleaning out my moms house, that I was raised in, snd selling it. All those people have someone either spouse, other family members, kids sisters n brothers etc.
I remember one day, the second anniversary of his death. Allow yourself to miss her. As I slowly approached them, Mom and Dad reached out for me. I have friends and relatives I stay away from because they are so judgmental. Whenever I miss my parents, I am reminded that God wants me to be close to him. I sometimes thinks why me? Cry your heart out and give your soul a release. My tears are flowing from reading the article and the comments here.
I sometimes thinks why me? Well her last hospital visit on November 12, 2018 she never returned home. He and my Mom had just Celebrated their 52 Anniv. She was a huge source of joy and light in my life and its gone now. She taught me alot of things in life but she never taught me how to live without her. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. I lost my dad 8 years ago but I still have my mom. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.
I truly believe they are meant to help us. I can always remember when dad died mom would say you never forget you just learn to live life differently. Like you we were waiting and praying for her suffering to end, but we felt the need to be with her to help her move on as she fought it with everything she had left. My dad has been gone for 10 days…. There is more to what i am going through.
She was in and out of hospitals and falling all the time because her legs were so swollen she could barley walk. Next big day will be Feb, 3rd, her birthday. Father had been taking dialysis 3 times a week since 2007, first prostate cancer, then lung cancer ,and last a mass spot on his brain. I really miss them alot. We never stop growing and changing.
Take all the time you can with your loved ones because you never know when time is up. I miss her so so much. Share these lovely sympathy, condolences cards with grief stricken family and friends. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. Mom was very brave and was ready to die.